he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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