He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
