I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
