She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
