Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
