it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
