Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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