I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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