thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
this boner is exhausting
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
