I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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