i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
