So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
