A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
