I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
