Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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