dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she smelled like a LAN party
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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