I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I wish there were birth control emojis
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
