I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
