You just made me feel so damn special
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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