No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
