those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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