I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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