I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
