You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
