If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
