She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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