Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
