The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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