Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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