I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
