We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize