Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
