Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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