dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
