the day after is always just damage control
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
