She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
