What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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