I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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