he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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