I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
