I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
