I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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