is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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