I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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