My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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