he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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