They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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