The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
