I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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