I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
