Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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