Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
