I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
