i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
this hospital has no fireball
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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