I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
