Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
