my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
