someone threw a dead crab at me
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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