Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
