If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
