I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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