Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
MIDGETS
????
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize