i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
