The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
worst night to have a conscience
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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