She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
