I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
