Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
So much rum. So many feels.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
