She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Boobs are out for the taking
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
