my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
