how hairy? two words: wookie tits
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
