chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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