cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
