I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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