too bad you live with your parents still
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
